[00:01:40] – Frankie
Hello. You’re listening to the Doing It For The Kids podcast, where we swear a bit too much and talk a bit too fast about freelance life with kids in the mix. I’m Frankie and this is Steve.

[00:01:54] – Steve
Hello! Yes. Each episode, we do our best to answer a question from the Doing It For The Kids community, but we start each episode by looking back at the last one. So last time we were talking about-,

[00:02:05] – Frankie
When you can work flexibly — should you still sign up for formal childcare or not?

[00:02:10.850] – Steve
Okay. Emma got in touch.

Emma Mitre, who says,

“I honestly think the only con here is the completely unnecessary guilt, which you absolutely shouldn’t feel. You’ll have 15 whole hours to do work/do something nice for yourself, and your kid will have a great time making some pals.”

[00:02:29] – Frankie
Similar vibes from Anna Foster.

Anna Foster says,

“No need for guilt here. This sounds like incredibly hard work, and I don’t know anyone who would find it productive or easy to suddenly switch to work mode after a day of childcare. Sounds like zero time for either of you. Super tough. I’d say nursery will do you all the world of good. Although nursery germs also to be factored in!”

[00:02:50] – Steve
And Sam Kennedy-Christian said,

“I just wanted to say that the bit from 9 to 4 where you’re looking after the kids is still WORK. You’re not being paid, but it has huge value. You wouldn’t expect someone being paid to do a full day of childcare to stack another job on top (although many probably have to because of the state of nursery funding, but that’s a different rant).”

[00:06:34] – Frankie
We have an anonymous question this week. They say,

“Dear Frankie and Steve,

A retainer client of mine gave notice over the weekend. Her business is quiet and she can’t afford to keep us on. But it’s got me thinking and feeling a bit stuck.

I feel like something is going to happen, like a shift is coming? But I can’t quite put my finger on it or work it out. And I’ve decided I want to work it out myself rather than doing some coaching or paying for help, etc.

I suppose my question is — what do you and Steve do when you feel like this? Do you ever feel like this? Any tips or advice for working things out on your own?

Thanks. Anon.”

[00:07:14] – Steve
So what’s the question?

[00:07:17] – Frankie
I think the question is… they’ve lost this regular client and it’s throwing up questions in their head about what they’re doing, why they’re doing it, what’s coming next. They want to work it out for themselves.

[00:07:28] – Steve
Because there’s kind of two sort of filters here. One could be, 1) I’ve lost that client and I’ve decided I don’t want to do that work anymore. There’s, 2) I’ve lost that client and I feel like more clients like that are going to be lost as well because maybe that type of work is-,

[00:07:45] – Frankie
A change is coming? It could be both, Steve. It could be both.

They didn’t enjoy doing that much anyway, and they fear they’re being replaced in some way and the business isn’t there anymore.

[00:07:54] – Steve
Because it’s that thing, isn’t it, “I feel like a shift is coming”.

[00:07:58] – Frankie
Yeah. I feel like reading between the lines, they don’t want to be doing the thing? This is almost an opportunity to maybe not do that thing anymore or pursue something that they wanted to do and haven’t had the confidence to do yet?

[00:08:14] – Steve
Any tips for working things out on your own? Well, I think you really need to…

[00:08:21] – Frankie
Pay someone? Ha!

[00:08:23] – Steve
I think you really need to figure out why you’re asking this question. Is it because you feel like that work is simply going to dry up anyway, as in, that work is going away? Is it because you want a change in direction? You want to do something, I don’t know, more creative, more fulfilling, more taxing on your brain? More using skills that you’re currently not using?

[00:08:48] – Frankie
Are you just bored?

[00:08:50] – Steve
Legit, yeah.

[00:08:51] – Frankie
You know, I don’t know how long you’ve been in this job or been doing this thing, but like, is it that there’d been this niggly boredom anyway? And then this person’s gone, “Oh, sorry, we’re not going to be around anymore”, and suddenly you’re like, “Oh, freedom! I didn’t realise I was feeling stuck until this person no longer wanted to pay me to do this thing.”

[00:09:11] – Steve
It’s that like… “What is your why?”

[00:09:14] – Frankie
All right, Simon (Sinek).

[00:09:16] – Steve
Yeah, but it’s irritating that he had a point, isn’t it?

[00:09:20] – Frankie
Yeah!

[00:09:20] – Steve
That there is something causing this feeling, and concentrating on your ‘why’ could help yourself to figure that out.

[00:09:25] – Frankie
All right. So how can you do that DIY without paying somebody?

I’ve never done this, but — journaling? Write down your immediate thoughts, reactions, free flow, like, what are my feelings about this situation, really? That’s not the goal, but you know, just write stuff.

[00:09:39] – Steve
You could make a list of what you currently do and the things you’d like to do and see-,

[00:09:46] – Frankie
But also the things you don’t like to do as well. Surely that’s as important a list?

[00:09:50] – Steve
Yeah. Well, because I was going to say — the things you do, you can then cross out the things. “Actually, I want to get rid of this”. And then what you should be left staring at is the stuff that you should be doing, or you want to be doing.

[00:10:01] – Frankie
Writing stuff, whether that’s the free flow thing or what you were just saying about the lists. I think once you’ve done all of that and crossed stuff out and highlighted things… I think you’ll get some clarity. Or maybe you’ll just be really confused, to be fair!

I’ve got visions of those, like… boards in a crime drama? You know, it’s like all these pictures on a big board stuck together and you’re like, “How does it all make sense?!”

[00:10:23] – Steve
Do you know, I have been reading for the Being Freelance Book Club — Ali Abdaal’s book, Feel Good Productivity. We’ve often heard, haven’t we? Like, “Where do you want to be in 10 years? Where do you want to be in five years?” But there was one bit in there that I quite like the sound of. He was encouraging you to imagine a 12-month celebration from now.

[00:10:44] – Frankie
Nice.

[00:10:44] – Steve
So in a year from now, you’re meeting with a friend and you’re having a celebratory dinner, and he was like, “What are you celebrating? What is it that you’ve achieved over the next 12 months? Where do you want to be with your work, with your life, whatever?” And then trying to figure out, well, “How am I going to make that happen?”

But, yeah, I don’t know. What do you think about that? Because I quite like that as a thing. Because five years seems too far to think about, especially because then it makes me look at my kids and go, “Where are they going to be in five years?”

[00:11:15] – Frankie
Yeah, this is what I was about to say. I’m all for that sort of-, I don’t even know what you call that? Anyway, all of that stuff is good. Goals — great. But literally, one of the reasons I started Doing It For The Kids was because I was listening to content aimed at freelancers that was all like, stretchy goals and big numbers. And I was always like, “Well, what about when you have small people?” The one predictability of being a parent is the fact it’s completely unpredictable. So I guess if you’re going to be making goals-,

[00:11:45] – Steve
They should be realistic within the confines of your actual situation?

[00:11:49] – Frankie
Yes! So I think that can be motivating and can give you clarity. As in, bottom line, what is the thing I want to achieve in a year? Five years? I guess it gets you to just slim it down. But also, if you’re going to be following that kind of advice — as always with parenting — just take it with a pinch of salt because who knows what is going to happen!

[00:12:14] – Steve
Well, I think the other thing of course when it comes to having kids — is the realistic restrictions on your time, but also demands on your finances. What effect is changing your business as you’re imagining and dreaming… What effect is that going to have on your finances? Long term. Short term. What’s going to happen?

And also, I don’t know… We seem to be treating it like a tap that’s on or off, but maybe it needs to be one of those mixer taps where you can have a bit of hot and a bit of cold? Which always makes far more sense than just scalding btw! Like, I never understood the sinks with a hot tap and a cold tap in the bathroom, because the only way to do this is to fill up the sink and make a whole bowl of water!

[00:13:04] – Frankie
That’s what the plug is for!

[00:13:05] – Steve
But then I’m rinsing my face with soapy water by the end of it…?!

Anyway, listen. That’s besides the point.

What I think I was trying to say is… Well, you are literally ‘testing the waters’ in this case. Is there an opportunity to do a bit of this service, this new thing, whilst also still offering the old thing? And maybe you might start to change your marketing or phrasing outwardly to be leaned towards the new thing. You don’t just have to turn one thing off.

[00:13:39] – Frankie
Well, it has been turned off in a way already.

[00:13:42] – Steve
Yeah, but that’s just one retainer client.

[00:13:45] – Frankie
Yes, but doesn’t it say a lot that one retainer client — I presume out of multiple! — has sparked this sort of internal turmoil? I think that says a lot about how this person is feeling about their business.

Also. Is there any sort of formal research, like a market research type exercise you need to do? Asking your existing client base or potential client base some questions? Would that help you gain clarity over the potential shift in your business? Might do.

[00:14:20] – Steve
I know you don’t want to pay for a coach. That was the whole point. But actually, there is a value in saying things out loud to another person.

[00:14:29] – Frankie
Yes! You don’t have to pay someone to have a chat. I could have a chat with you, Steve, for example, if I’m unclear about something. You must have people, friends, ‘colleagues’… You know, you might not literally work with them, but you have a working relationship with people.

Find some people who you trust, who you can be like, “Look, you understand my business. This has happened. I’ve got these feelings about it. Can I just sense check this with you? Can I run some ideas past you? Let’s go and have some hung yoghurt and have a chat about this.”

Because, honestly, — and I know a lot of us can relate — my mind is so racing and so full of stuff all of the time. And just vocalising it — often with my partner, with Rob — just saying it out loud (even if he’s not listening and basically just watching the telly grunting occasionally!)… Just vocalising it and forcing my brain to put it into functional sentences, even that can help me to get some sort of-, I’ve said the word ‘clarity’ 10 times in this episode already, but… Get some clarity on what it is that I am feeling about this!

[00:15:58] – Steve
You see those people on quiz shows all the time who you feel like they’re going to say the wrong answer, and then they say they’re thinking out loud to the quiz show host. And it’s amazing because you watch them unpick and suddenly they go, “Oh, actually, no, it’s that answer!” And you’re like — I love your reasoning. Show your working!

[00:16:15] – Frankie
Yes, exactly. Treat it like the SATs and show your little scribbles about how you got your answer. Being forced to vocalise something out loud can help pull these threads from your mind in a way that is much more organised, even though it may not feel like it at the time. By the time you’ve had that conversation with somebody that hopefully understands a bit about your predicament — you may have some answers.

[00:16:44] – Steve
And I love that, because what if you then left that conversation and were able to, like, get a piece of paper and draw out what your new website is going to look like?

[00:16:55] – Frankie
Visualise!

[00:16:56] – Steve
Yeah. What is my big message at the top? What is it that I’m now going to be offering? What would my services or packages look like? What is my message that I’m now going to be saying?

And if you can write that down — how does it make you feel? What does it look like? Do you suddenly get the urge to hand that over to a web designer?

[00:17:29] – Frankie
Or is your gut feeling, “Oh, man, I want to get that retainer client back doing that work I was doing before!” And if so, that’s fine. If ultimately what you discover is, “Oh, what I was doing before sounds alright. I just need to get another client to fill that gap.” That’s useful too.

[00:17:47] – Steve
Oh, well, do you know what? I feel like we’ve actually accidentally answered this question, Frankie.

[00:17:52] – Frankie
Really? Because I feel like you’d be better off asking someone who actually knows what they’re talking about!

[00:17:57] – Steve
The crux of this, right, is exactly what you and I have just done. And that is the fact that we kept talking-,

[00:18:05] – Frankie
Until we came up with something!

[00:18:07] – Steve
Yes. We got to an answer. We were like, “Oh, actually, yeah, there’s that moment of clarity.” That is what you need to do. Talk about it.

You’re putting the pressure on yourself. “I’ve decided I want to do this myself. What should I ask myself?” Well, you need to be able to say that out loud, even if that is chatting to Chat GP-, what’s his face? Chat GPT? If you really don’t have a human to talk to, talk to that thing.

[00:18:36] – Frankie
Yeah, people do that.

You need a wall to bounce off your balls. Your balls?! … You need a wall to bounce your balls off?? NO. You know what I’m saying? A sounding bored, et cetera. You need something, whether that is a robot or my grunting husband.

[00:18:55] – Steve
Oh my God.

[00:18:57] – Frankie
Or a co-mentor, a friend, a colleague, your child! Sometimes children provide the best clarity there is. They cut straight to the heart.

[00:19:06] – Steve
Yeah!

So pack it in there, let it stew, let it hang, and eventually, what is weighing on your mind will be separated out.

[00:19:15] – Frankie
Oh my God.

[00:19:16] – Steve
And you’ll be left with the thick-,

[00:19:18] – Frankie
Somebody make him stop!

[00:19:19] – Steve
Creamy goodness of a hung-,

[00:19:21] – Frankie
Is it the end yet?

[00:19:23] – Steve
Well-hung freelancer.

Okay, we are done. You’ll be glad to hear. Please do get in touch with your comments.